we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
