I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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