I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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