He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
