she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
