Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
