When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
