Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
