Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
