he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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