Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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