is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
