the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
where are my eyebrows?
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