Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Couch. On fire.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
