Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
