Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
