Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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