I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize