I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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