Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
