I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
