she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize