But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
