Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
