Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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