We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
a search helicopter?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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