put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
