She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
