I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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