Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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