Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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