you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
