Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
