sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
