Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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