what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
