I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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