I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
