Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shame - the story of my life.
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