So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize