Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
