i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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