We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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