is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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