I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize