ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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