Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
