Screwed.edu
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
