okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
