It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
