I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
