I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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