What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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