Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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