Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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