enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize