i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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