Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
