saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize