redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
