your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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