My pussy is not your playground.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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