I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
