dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
