Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
