I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
