there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
