There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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