I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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