Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
