btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
