Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
