Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
