Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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