Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
