even my farts smell like vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
