I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
