Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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